King

We have lost ourselves; we are not who we were made to be today.

For the sins of our generation have consumed us, controlled us, blinded us and led us astray.

Isaiah 66:2-4 says:

This is the one I esteem:
he who is humble and contrite in spirit,
and trembles are my word.
3- But whoever sacrifices a bull is like one who kills a man,
and whoever offers a lamb, like one who breaks a dog's neck;
whoever makes a grain offering
is like one who presents pig's blood,
and whoever burns memorial incense,
like one who worships an idol.
They have chosen their own ways, and their souls delight in their abominations.
4- So I will also choose harsh treatment for them and will bring upon them what they dread.
For when I called, no one answered,
when I spoke,
no one listened.
They did evil in my sight and chose what displeases me.

Taking up our own crosses is the hardest thing to do as a person, ever.

Christianity proves to be a tough route because all odds are against us.

Like when your friends drink to get drunk, smoke to stay cool, spend money to lift their self esteem, to prize themselves, to be the elite.

Like when they laugh and have fun and are proud of it.

Are we not blinded, are we not enslaved to the chains of sin?

I've never liked the word 'sin' since young.

Growing up as a Buddhist child, I've always hated that word.

Sin? It makes it sound as if we have done such grave mistakes.

But as I grow up, innocence is not something I have achieved to retain.

Sin was something we've all gotten ourselves into ever since Satan entered our world before we were even born.

And it's still going on, and I'm in it.

sin ¹

(sĭn)    n.  A transgression of a religious or moral law, especially when deliberate. Theology Deliberate disobedience to the known will of God. A condition of estrangement from God resulting from such disobedience. Something regarded as being shameful, deplorable, or utterly wrong.

For me, curiosity killed the cat *meow*:)

And it has most certainly killed my spirit.

But it didn't mean God gave up on me.

It didn't mean He took that mindset of mine and truly granted what I had assumed of myself.
He still found me. When I was 12. And I've learnt that with sin, comes God's grace to free me from it.

He took me in His hands, He was strong, and He fought my battles for me.

And He's still fighting them today.

Because I'm in His arms.

Just running into the desert, into His arms every time I lose my way.

You know most of our lives we try to run so fast, and run so strong. If we'd all admit to ourselves we all want to be winners here. You know, the only safe place to run is into the arms of God. And there's a song that historymakers from the dawn of time, and in the future will be singing. There's a song that the angels have been singing for centuries. This is a soundtrack for a generation. We're singing "Holy is the Lord, we're singing, Holy is the Lord."

- History Maker (song), by Delirious?

But one thing about sin is that it puts us all on the same platform. Whether we're high up on the corporate ladder, socialites, beggars on the streets, fishmongers, postmen, students - people in general: we're all sinners. We're all the same. We suffer from the same sin, same vicious cycle of struggling and for some of us, after being so tired of struggling, we've given up and have learnt to take delight in our sin.

Our wrongdoing.

Our lies that we so bluntly let our tongues lash out without blinking our eyes.

Our hurt that we inflict upon people to build our self esteem, to build our self confidence. Our pride that we protect and defend so dearly, that when someone knocks this wall down, we take revenge.

Jealousy.

Envy.

Selfish ambition.

Wrath.

Lust.

And all the other sins that are deemed as the 7 Deadly Sins.

But because sin allows all our toes to stand on the same line, it tells us that we are all EQUAL. And equal in the fact that God does not favour any one person more than the other, that God loves us all. That God turned His face away but when Jesus took our sin, died for us and trampled upon the devil, God looked at us. He looked at me. And He saw all that Jesus was in me - without sin. He sees me as Jesus is, He sees me as a co-heir with Christ at His right hand when we leave this world. He sees me. He listens to me. He knows me. And He loves me. He is King of my life; He reigns with power, wisdom and love.

So then it comes in.

"I Love Him Because He Loved Me First"

This then eliminates our "Estrangement from God" because He loved us first.

And that's why, to run away from sin, to resist the temptation can be overcomed by Love itself.

Because we love Him, that's why we don't sin in His sight.

When Satan presents a will, God provides a way.
"Where sin abounds, grace super abounds."

:)

And deffo, I'll blog about Prom :)

Waffle crazy

 Things to look forward to after my Diet:

- Every single morsel during Chinese New Year
- Caramel popcorn from The Cathay (it's the best popcorn ever)
- Candy canes (leftovers from Christmas)
- Creme brulee(:
- Udders' Ice cream with waffle (MUST BE WITH WAFFLES)
- Burger Shack's fries+Dijoux mustard
- Go on a Marche feast!
- PASTA @ La Petite Cuisine(naam habiby:)
- Tako Pachi!
- Au Petit Salut(:
- Maggie noodles oh my goodness

- A NEW ADDITION: PANCAKES!!!
Follow:

Blueberry Cornmeal Pancakes+Orange Maple Butter+Syrup

There's more, I know there's more.

FOOD ROCKS

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

We like the Grinch

TO READ, TO FEEL FOR, TO REALISE:

This post is for people who play minor or major roles in my life, your importance being significant to me.

So I've been thinking about stuff lately.

As my friend once asked "so I need to meet the conditions of being your friend?!"

It was from a quarrel and I've remembered it ever since.

This friend of mine has been by my side, through thick and thin, through much giving and taking, drama and euphoria - probably everything.

And in the end, she didn't meet my condition because... (I am very proud and thankful to say this) NATURALLY, she is everything I've ever wanted!

Like the kind of friend you'll think of as an angel, who understands you inside out.

So my point is:

Some of us have perfect friends, the friends that are like the needles in the haystack, the needles among many other fake needles.

But sometimes it's really tough to find a good friend.

So you kind of extend your hand out to anyone you meet along the way.

But for me, choosing my friends goes by the process of asking myself the question.

"Do they meet the conditions of the friendship I truly want?"

Because only by this way can my friendships be real, lasting and true.

Definitely there are seasons in our lives where some friends are not there, because of a fall out/misunderstanding.

It's only right that we forgive, move on and through time, we will learn to miss each other, learn from our mistakes and start talking again :)

It doesn't mean once you leave, you're gone forever.

Friendship is not a one way thing.

Understand this, meditate on this, know this. It is a fact. (general knowledge could come in handy)

So I shall take the question to be the focus of my post today.

Do you need to meet the conditions I require of in a friend?

The answer is yes.

This is the one and only condition I have in mind and always will use to choose my friends from now on.

Choose. Not judge, not criticise.

The word is 'Choose' ah.

Never build your joy upon my misery.

That.

THAT is enough to flip me and enough for me to DESPISE you for the rest of my life.

An example is like saying you love me dearly but you subtly try to compare your body against mine or you're desperately trying to outsmart me.

Please, please be careful about your body language or where your eyes go.

Sometimes I've seen my friend's eyes bounce from my fats to their own stomachs and then to my face.

So it's like: Ling's fats, then my own fats, then Ling's face.

It's as if you're trying to see or analyse whether I can live with being fat.

HEY. I'M BIG, I'M FAT AND I'M ALIVE WITH WAY MORE SECURITY YOUR TREMBLING HANDS CAN HOLD, WITH WAY MORE JOY AND HAPPINESS THAT I HAVE IN GOD.

So don't forget that I've got eyes too. And they're big - OHH THEY'RE MASSIVE.

And they look around corners where your selfish ambition and bitter envy lurk.

Don't forget that I'm an art student. I observe. I observe...alot.

I also listen.

I use all my senses in this process.

I also munch and excite my tastebuds as I walk with you!

So I better make you understand before you doubt the stand I take today.

Once a friend asked me "why do you wanna go on a diet when you know it'll make you unhappy? why not just choose to be happy when you can?"

Honestly, I wasn't very happy when I was fatter.

Because people were mean, are mean and always will be mean.

So I asked myself that question last year too.

"Why do you wanna go on a diet?"

Then I realised that I wanted to go on a diet because I CAN, because I DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, because I can show fat people like me that WE'RE SO MUCH STRONGER, we've so much MORE DEPTH than people who scowl at their bodies in the mirror, and that we're actually making the effort to TAKE CARE OF OUR BODIES.

It's called SELF-RESPECT.

This is why I want to be on a diet. This is why I'm not afraid to go to the dietician today to say I'm going to do this well and stop getting off track. And if you are a friend, you will not say "yeah right" to me, you'll say "hell yeah, if you can't resist temptation, I'm here for you to distract your mind away from food."

This is why even if the paper has published that low carb diets cause moods to decline, I'M STILL GOING TO BE HAPPY.

SUPPORT ME OKAY BFFs <3

So, with all confidence and wrath at its minimum, I am now smiling like the Grinch at Christmas in front of the computer at all those people who have tried to kill my self-esteem.

If you want to do that to me, don't waste your time.

Hold yourself together man, especially please TRY TO GAIN CONTROL of those eyes of yours that bounce uncontrollably at models to pretty faces to your own.

I'm not your scapegoat, not your pushover.

I'm not your sweet, quiet rag doll that you can drag around and sadistically have fun with in the corner of your mind.

Your mind is actually rotting!

So leave your sardonic laughter to someone else's ears to enjoy. Lay off mine.

Live high, live mighty, live righteously.

Sure, challenges spur excellence, but don't challenge yourself to become the hottest shit on earth.

Because contentment is a state of mind we should all try to achieve.

Then we'll stop asking for more, then we'll stop being materialistic and start seeing life in a different light.

That there's so much more and that "everything is connected".

From attitude to behaviour to making the people you love feel happy to being a sincere indivdual.

BABES!!! ENJOY YOUR SINGLENESS. ENJOY BEING LOST IN THE FACT THAT YOU'RE SINGLE.

BECAUSE GOD HAS SOME MIGHTY WARRIOR IN STORE FOR YOU.

BECAUSE THAT MIGHTY WARRIOR IS GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL SEXY, WANTED, GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND HE'S GONNA BE YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO LOVES GOD, HIS FAMILY&FRIENDS AND DEFINITELY, YOU:)

Enough said.

My back and neck are aching like hell.

Vanida, Lynette, Alawiyyah and Syahidah have been awesome Red Camp mates:)

*WILD WILD WILD*

10 more days to sweet sixteen, hell yeah!!!

Up! Coloring Contest

Hey there sweet thang.

I'm going to get Ben & Jerry's and my parents shall never know!

And I shall indulge in it as I watch Gossip Girl online!

I MEAN, EVEN JOHN'S ONTO SEASON 3.

I'm still stuck at Season 2:(

So the past few days have been good fun.

Plain, satisfying fun.

Like playing truth or dare with alcohol for company, laughing non-stop till morning, watching Paranormal Activity, watching funny shows on my bed in my room with Cara, Lime and Lawrence, getting new makeup, eating at Sushi Tei with Char, Joseph, Lime, Lawrence and Cara, staying over at Nida's and just.. bumming around.

Bumming around shall sustain me for only a little while.

For I get restless and moody!

Sooo... I'm going for a job interview at Harijanto's next week!

He's going to be away for a few days so he told me to go down next week:)

And I wear makeup to work too! Hurray!

I want to get books.

Like spend all my money on novels and art books.

So many words, so little time.

Watching my friends get high in the early morning is hilarious.

You can never get as much entertainment from the way Wan Him told Cherng En "you look so sexy to me, the way you come running to me and your fats keep bouncing up and down, it's so sexy".

Oh my gosh. And SHAWN. And ERIC AND WANHIM being like couple of the year.

There's more to come, I'm sure of it.

Today we watched Moulin Rouge + Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist in my room!

The three of them were scarmbling for the blanket.\

I love that movie.

Moulin Rouge made me cry because I thought of Zakaria:(

And I rushed to be with him online after they left:)

Life's kind of aimless now.

But it's a good kind of aimless.

The time is here, when you let your hair down and party nonstop without thinking.

It's fun fun fun in your face 24/7 fun fun fun.

A "different type of fun".

But we like it this way, don't we?:)

Guitar practice with Daren tomorrow! WHOOOOSH

I am going to be sixteen in 15 days!

HAVE YOU GOTTEN ME ANYTHING YET?

BECAUSE IF YOU HAVEN'T,

YOU SUCK!:)

Stracciatella

Dear Angel, this is how I remember you and your nutty inside jokes that are designed for my entertainment.

ANGELLLLL.    I miss youuuuu,you'redamnnn Cute says:
 Knobby
We burn Like Stars across the Firmament says:
 HAHAHAHAHAHAH
 HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

So last night I dreamt that I was sitting at my desk in my room.

I was feeling so, so relaxed and suddenly.

Yes, SUDDENLY: I realised that my O Level Art preparation sketches weren't done and the exam was tomorrow!

Oh my goodness and it was around 1 in the morning!!!

I was like FREAKING OUT and swearing in my dream.

Until my alarm woke me up and my eyelids flew open.

I felt like I had a cardiac arrest!

This dream tells me that I'm really worried for Art:(

Me no likey.

Pa and I watched Grey's Anatomy together on Star World this morning.

And he kept imitating what they said.

He also kept saying "Hey got alot of Chinese acting in this show ah" when there were only two.

And he said that Miranda Bailey looks like a relative of ours and her body looks like mine.

*Selective hearing comes into play*

Then he looked at the list of things that I wanted to do for the holidays.

So he laughed at the part "CONSIDER A VACATION" and I said "fat hope right" and he was grinning and saying "wishful thinking". (BUT HE'S STILL GONNA TAKE ME PLACES SO I KINDA WIN TOO)

I love Ellen Pompeo who plays Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy<3

She's so, so pretty. And she just gave birth to a baby this year on the 15th day of September!

She's half Irish and half Italian:) And her birthday was just 2 days back, on the 10th of November.

I want to go to Ireland. I'll make Ron bring me one day when I'm older like during the poly's 7 week break.

And Lea can take me places:)

Ron rocks. He makes me scared when he tells me to study and he tells me to never give up on my dreams.

And if I want to talk to him about stuff, I can. Like even about stuff that hurts me the most.

Ron rocks. And he's my brother. From another mother, yes, but point is, he's my brother.

So I'm gonna get a job at Boenga at Dempsey through my mom.

Harijanto is amazing. I love him.

I mean, who thought you could do so much with flowers?:)

Hell yeah, he's one of Singapore's most recognised floral artist who taught me floral art the previous year.

I don't care if I didn't win, he still taught me and that's how much I respect him:)

So I gotta get through an interview first.

And I don't mind following him around and getting errands done for him.

Like my mom says "if he wants you to follow him, that's your gain, not his loss."

Paranormal Activity tonight!

Believe it or not, it's November.

Call me drama, call me hell.

Call me your faithful friend, call me an irritant.

I am all that. 

Including the irony in between.

Some things should be left unsaid, I never forgot what somebody told me.

Took that photograph of the Christmas Tree at Foster's.

Foster's has amazing Christmas decorations:)

I had an oxtail stew on Sunday and Jia didn't like her cod.

Correction: Jia DOESN'T like cod.

But Yun likes cod. "It's the best fish in the world!" she chirrups. 

Now I want fried battered cod with chips. Geez.

They like my friend Dexter's Big Mac/Fish fillet/5 seeds on top jokes:)

I'm scared of it all.

Scared that we're going to fast forward, without stopping to look at each other in the eye to say we're sorry.

I understand.

But I'm scared.

As my cousins put it, "control cool".

But you still don't win.

You're just proven right.

And worthy.

I'm gonna scuttle all the way to Simply Bread at Guthrie now.

Roasted beef sandwich, physics and chemistry - all of that in a white, canteen-like eating place.

Cold and clean.

Like you and me.

F = Friend = *orgotten

Sometimes people forget.But more importantly and sadly, the people you consider as best friends.
They're kept so close to your heart that when they forget about you, your heart gets the first "boom boom pow" and yeah, you're left to deal with it.
So over the weeks, they don't call, they don't say hello, they don't ask you to do stuff with them.
Even if it's stuff you don't like.. They don't ask at all.
My mother scoffed at the thought of my auntie getting angry if she didn't make a phone call to ask if she wanted to go to Cameron Highlands.
I guess I know how my aunt feels now.
And that's why the phone call my mother made to her was important to her.
Because it meant that she was remembered.

From here, we can also deduce that Kel is someone important to me SO YOU BETTER BE NICE.
And at least let me stand by the door of the entrance to your birthday party next year hahahaaaa.
Thou shall announce something.
I made my prom dress.
Oh yes I did.
Say hello to a spanking new  

Red Dutchess satin 1950s halter-neck dress!

The music's gonna be fab.
We PROMISE it's gonna be fuckin' fab!
And we've got supporters too, so WHO CARES IF THE BAND PLAYS BETTER MUSIC, THEY DON'T HAVE THE COOLEST FRIENDS LIKE WE DO:)
hint: clap even if our music sucks
hinthint: it's 21 days to my birthday
hinthinthint: do what you gotta do. eg. wrap presents/ rush birthday cards
hahahaha i love you guys.

In awe.

And the experts say I'm delirious.
how do you melt right through the ice to the only trace of a beating heart that's holding on, how do you breathe life in me, how do you do that God? how...?

If I had something to feel, I'd feel imperfect.

Which I am.

Which I feel all the time.

But not in a bad way.

Not in the "I'm fat I'm fat shit I'm fat" way.

But in the "this is what it feels like to be human" way.

Darren and I were chatting on MSN.

And I told him that everyone has a major sin, and we have minor sins that we can get over easily but which others can't.

Sins are different for everyone.

Like mine.

I can't get over Lust but I can get over Envy quickly.

This is what it feels like.

And I'm just so tired of being imperfect.

I'll only be satisfied just to be like You, Lord.

What holds all the atoms of our body together?

Without a certain protein, we'd disintegrate.

Like gas particles in the air, random and without direction.

Meet Laminin.

"Laminin is vital to making sure overall body structures hold together."

And guess what.

It's molecular structure is the shape of the cross.

Romans 1:20 makes it clear that we can know God through what He has made. God certainly designed the laminin protein and gave it a structure that allows it to perform the function He designated for it. In fact, one of the early papers on the structure and function of laminin said this: “Globular and rodlike domains are arranged in an extended four-armed, cruciform shape that is well suited for mediating between distant sites on cells and other components of the extracellular matrix”.

I told you God holds the entire world.

And you said you didn't believe me.

Call me naive, call me silly.

Call me a fool for Christ.

I'm proud of it, I'm proud of Him.

I'm going to design my prom dress tomorrow.

1950s halterneck dresses never go out of style.

I saw this black halterneck dress with pirate skull prints.

It's so amazing but I can never get it, unless I spend 59+5 pounds (SGD$136++).

CAMERON HIGHLANDS WITH MY COUSINS FROM PENANG IN DECEMEMBERRR

THEY'RE THE EPITOME OF FAMILY:)

Therapy by All Time Low is an amazing song.

We might sing this for prom.

Don't watch out for Darren and I on prom night.

We're kinda shy. (teehee)

Darren is an awesome, awesome friend.

Just like his babe who is also my babe. (MEL MUST BE SHARED!!!)

Darren takes my shit, takes my weirdness and knows what funny is.

He knows music so freaking well and he's obsessed about rock concerts(which is cool 'cos he knows Yeah Yeah Yeahs are coming to Singapore next year and he's totally up for any rock concert - so if Paramore's coming to SG, he's gonna be the first one I hear excited squeals and "eggscelent"s from.)

Most importantly, He encourages me to keep track with God, like today.

Friends don't let us choke on our misery.

Neither do they present us with therapy.

They're just.. there to hold onto.

To hold onto.

Yeah.

To hold onto.

{ ! }

If I could be anywhere right now, I'd be standing at the same balcony at Melk Abbey in Austria with a cigarette (1st picture - Melk Abbey / 2nd picture - from Melk Abbey's balcony= fave picture in the world). Don't worry I ain't gonna smoke, it's just the whole "look-at-me-i'm-a-european-in-winter" look. The 3rd picture was taken in Budapest, the first stop. I love that city too. Europe makes me want to cry badly. Zakaria why can't we live in Europe next time. I shall leave you in Israel:)

Wish this upon me

That you might see

Who I really am inside

Education's got me stuck here

Here, where the street lamps don't light up this city

Here, where the city lights take their time to blind me

Wish this upon me

That you might be

The one who'll never settle for compromise

The one who will sit and watch me rise

I am wind and you are ice

We connect but the truth does not suffice

Distance and place,

Sentiments and grace

Sentiments and... ...

'grace'

Age has got me on my knees

Shot down and begging you to wait

Just Wait for me to become a full-grown babe

Just Wait for me until the day you let me kiss your face

Hey Baby.

Please. Just. Wait.

Li ling - 4.49 PM

I want to have a skin artist do our faces on my birthday :)

Everyone will have painted faces and an animal in mind that they have to dress up to look like.

It's not Halloween, it's a animal costume dress up party.

Or the girls could come as fairy princesses and the boys could be frogs.

And if we kiss them they're still going to look the same. So.

Hahahaha it's okay, I still wanna get married.

Yeah and we're going to look cool and pretty and 16 year old enough for everybody.

If they think we're weird, they're just old :)

Everybody means country club man.

Wow I'm making the day that I was born sound like it's the world's favourite day.

You like? YOU BETTER LIKE IT

or else....

*MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA*

cough.